


only everyone can judge me

by Pinktoria



Series: good end/bad end [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: "WRONG CHOICE WRONG CHOICE WRONG CHOICE], (good end/bad end - this is a bad end fic), (its only mentioned tho), (kind of), ? - Freeform, ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Ending, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Forced Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Manipulation, NOW YOU FUCIKEKD UP, NOW YOU FUCKE DUP, Not Canon Compliant, Regret, Sad, Self-Hatred, Self-Pity, So., Video Game Endings, ah [points at jeremy] you are mother fucker?, beta read by my lovely datemate kbit thanks kbit, but - Freeform, but neither is anything else so, dont look at me, i have not had the experience of being abused thankfully, it would probably help, jeremy......................... now u fucked up, jeremys that vine where its like "aw fuck i cant believe youve done this" @ himself, jerms not oaky, onii-chan!, oniiiii-channnnnn, shrug emoji, so like i hope i portrayed it alright, the squip is abusive, the squip manipulates him, you probably dont have to read the first fic in the series to Understand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-07 00:06:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12221706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinktoria/pseuds/Pinktoria
Summary: All of this was fake and wrong and he hated it. He wanted Michael back.title stolen from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEgTppFqksk





	only everyone can judge me

**Author's Note:**

> i was listening to crywank and got inspired  
> not for any of the fics im supposed to be finishing though, apparently

_Hive mind is scary_  
_I feel vulnerable and stupid_  
_Waiting for a new embarrassment to go and tear right through me_  
_A dependant, fruitless animal_  
_Watch me brimming with shame_

Jeremy pressed pause on the playlist and picked up his phone. He attempted to navigate away from his music app, but something kept him from doing so. With a little sigh, he pressed play again, setting aside his phone and picking up his MacBook Pro again to continue his homework.

_And this confidence I fake only makes matters worse_  
_I am not a stallion_  
_I am just perverse_  
_Hopeless and docile and tamed_

He gripped his mechanical pencil, but kept writing. Alexander Hamilton was appointed by George Washington as the first US Secretary of Treasury...

_Another day I won’t remember_  
_Another day I wished away_  
_Tedious days punctuated by dismay_  
_Everyday feels the same_

_It’s the routine_  
_And it’s the regret_  
_That makes me worse yet_

He’d long since stopped writing. He no longer care who wrote the Declaration of Independence or when. His mind was racing and a feeling he both didn’t recognize and knew to well was rising up in his chest.

_Oh, did I forget your name, or make a joke and no one laughed?_  
_Or did I come across as stupid, or did I cum too fast?_

_This isn’t a brave face_  
_This isn’t a brave face_  
_This is a-_

Jeremy slapped his notebook and worksheet down, the pencil on top, and swiped his phone up from the bed. He hurled it at the wall. The music stopped with a weak “mask” and then a fizzling sound.

“Jeremy?” Called his dad.

He hissed as the Squip shocked him. “It’s nothing, dad! Just…” he realized his dad wasn’t listening and finished quietly. “Just dropped my phone.”

[Jeremy. What is your damage?] Keanu snapped, materializing in front of him. He set his jaw hard, returning their cold, just barely hidden away look of anger. He knew they knew what his damage was, they were in his fucking brain. Still, he didn't reply, and received a shock for it.

[I’ve asked you a simple question, Jeremiah. Respond, unless you want to hurt yourself worse.] Their voice was sharp.

“Fuck you,” He breathed.

Jeremy cried out in pain as the Squip gave him another shock, keeping to their promise of “worse”.

[Now, look what you made me do, Jeremy. That’s your fault and your fault alone. Finish up your homework, you have to pick Christine up for a party at Jake’s house tonight. You can take your father’s car; I’ll drive.] They dematerialized, leaving behind only their heavy presence in his mind.

Jeremy started to worry his lip, but quickly stopped so the Squip wouldn’t shock him. He forgot about the party. He didn’t want to go, but the Squip always got what they wanted. And they wanted him to go.

It had been a month or so since [REDACTED].

It had been a month or so since [his life became perfect]. He’d been dating Christine, and it was nice, but for some reason, it felt like something was missing. What was it? [REDACTED]?

Who?

Oh, right, back to Christine. They’d been dating for around a month. They did normal couple things, like hugging and holding hands. They went out to the mall. But it seemed… [perfectly fine]. She was [so adorable] when they kissed or held hands, and when they hugged, she [always cuddled up close]. With their [friends], it felt [surreal, in a good way]. They were like [the perfect friends]. He [never] missed [REDACTED].

No, no. That didn’t seem right.

He needed some time to think.

[Take some.]

“... Alone, Squip. Shut down. Ten minutes.” He commanded.

[Don’t do anything stupid this time, or the punishment you bring upon yourself with not be pretty.] They shot back, before complying and shutting down as they were told.

Now he could really think.

He and Christine been dating for around a month. They did normal couple things, like hugging and holding hands. They went out to the mall. But it seemed… weird. She was stiff and unnatural when they kissed or held hands, and when they hugged, she didn’t get too close. With their classmates (he couldn’t bring himself to call them friends), it felt fake. They were like hollow mannequins being remote-controlled. He really missed Michael.

The colors in his room seemed to have dimmed considerably, but that wasn’t new. That always happened when the Squip deactivated. They seemed to make colors more vibrant.

He’d ruined everything. His entire life. He needed to get Mountain Dew Red, but the Squip wouldn’t let him. Michael… wasn’t his friend anymore.

All of this was fake and wrong and he hated it. He wanted control of his body back. He wanted his mind back. He wanted his life back. He wanted Michael back.

He hated being able to see the signs of scarring when someone’s shirt collar was a little too low on their back. He hated being able to see when someone was getting reprimanded by their Squip. He hated knowing he had ruined the lives of everyone at Middleborough High.

He hated himself for what he did. He fucked everything up.

He didn’t want this plastic life.

But it’s what he chose.

[I’m back. Oh, you’re in the same place this time. That’s new. Now, get dressed. You have a party to go to.]

He did as he was told.

**Author's Note:**

> oops


End file.
